You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
