vagina is talking i cant
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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