omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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