why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
