But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
