i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
