I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
