"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
