i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
