plz talk dirty to me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
