i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
