I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
