Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
