So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize