He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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