You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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