Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
