WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
