do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
