apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
