quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
