my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize