Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
