Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
