I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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