It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
