He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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