I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
