Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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