two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
