She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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