I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
