My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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