two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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