THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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