Don't you send me to vm
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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