The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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