Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
