No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
