Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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