I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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