watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
