I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
