Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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