Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
