my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
