I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
