dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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