Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
