A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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