what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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