I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
