I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
