My liver just broke up with me...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
