I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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