You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
