This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
