The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
