Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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