so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
