My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
