her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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