Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
