How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize