Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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