dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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