Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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