I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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